By Jessica Barrah
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Additional resources for Housemates: A Survival Guide
Not so good if you don’t. And sometimes, that irritating boyfriend/girlfriend seems to move in too and all of a sudden you’ve got an extra housemate without even realising it. indd 36 36 06/08/2007 16:22:54 EXCESS BAGGAGE If you don’t even have time to see the friends you already have, let alone make new ones, and prefer not to have unwanted visitors to your house, it might be advisable to get someone who’s new in town, and who hasn’t got their ‘network’ set up yet. This avoids the situation where your new housemate and friends take over the living room, leaving you no space to watch Eastenders, even if you could stand them chatting all the way through it.
Have a long list of questions written out and attached to a clipboard. g. ”. Some will be drawn from the Purity Test – the one that asks if you’ve ever had sex with an animal whilst on drugs. ” Nod seriously and make approving or disapproving noises at their responses. This style of interviewing potential housemates is best if the flat or house is so gorgeous that everyone who sees it will choose to disregard the obvious problems of living with such obnoxious housemates. indd 63 63 06/08/2007 16:22:57 HOUSEMATES - A SURVIVAL GUIDE If this is not the case, it’s better to just be as friendly as possible to their faces, then slag them off as soon as they leave.
If you are actually a non-smoker, try not to cough. Offer one to your prospective housemate, and see which one of the following responses most closely resembles what they say, and match up to the respective smoking ‘types’. indd 55 55 06/08/2007 16:22:57 HOUSEMATES - A SURVIVAL GUIDE 1. No thanks (disgusted look, hand over mouth). I thought you said you were a non-smoker. I could never live in a house with someone who smokes. 2. No thanks. I don’t smoke. Unless I’m hammered. 3. Nah… I don’t smoke… tobacco… I sometimes have a… you know.
Housemates: A Survival Guide by Jessica Barrah